he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Sober January is a disaster.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
What drink are we having for lunch?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
