sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
