my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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