I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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