I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
porn star boner night. come get it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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