I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
