I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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