He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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