Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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