I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
well you can't waste a boner
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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