turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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