It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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