She is in my trunk
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
