his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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