I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize