Jerry, you need to find god
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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