One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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