I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
