sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
