Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
