i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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