Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
