I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
