Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
