3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Of course I have a pirate flag
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
