I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I am midnight drunk by noon
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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