woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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