Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
