hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
