i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
