I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
