It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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