I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
