I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize