SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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