when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
