I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
