every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
