you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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