you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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