nut hugger
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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