id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
