Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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