What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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