We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This show inspires me to have sex in space
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
