Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
