The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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