I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
