I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
