Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
