Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do vagina's smell?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
