my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My ass is underappreciated
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
