What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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