i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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