farters have to be the big spoon...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
