just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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