he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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