Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
