When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm too high and old for this...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
