I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
