i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
