So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
