I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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