He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
