would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
