upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
