This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize