I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If I die, sorry about rent.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
