you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize