I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
