..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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