i love accidental penises.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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