before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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