he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
