Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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