she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
