Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
