the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
