once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
