And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
