I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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