I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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